Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
