I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
