Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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