Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
