You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
