I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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