I am puke
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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