She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
