My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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