This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
