so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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