3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
