You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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