she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am mentally ready for anal.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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