You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
