we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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