Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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