I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Someone shattered a urinal.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
