In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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