if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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