HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
