Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
