i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
