In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i love accidental penises.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
