i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
