I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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