When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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