Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
honey bunches of taint.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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