i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
