I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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