i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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