I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
