glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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