At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
