We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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