just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
