I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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