who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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