I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
