Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
