Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
