I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
