You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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