In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
