How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
