Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
