Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
