Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
