she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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