My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
