My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
