told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
