If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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